Do you want to know how to forgive a cheating wife?
First of all, I’m so sorry. I know betrayal hurts…a lot.
Now, if you are in the phase in which you’re considering to grant forgiveness, it means only one thing -you want to continue, you want to overcome the moment, you are trying to understand the reasons that have put your relationship in crisis.
There are several reasons which may result to forgiving your cheating wife. These reasons are:
- the love
- the lack of economic independence
- obligations towards children
- the fear of loneliness
- the lack of a place to live.
Whichever the reason(s) you have, love is the greatest of them all. If you love, you forgive; if you forgive, you are ready to start the relationship from sincerity–an essential condition. Again, if you forgive, you will not live on regrets or remorse. You’ll feel at least the last attempt has been made.
To help you forgive a cheating wife, here are 13 tips to help you forgive easier and faster.
1.Don’t make decisions
If you discover that your partner is cheating on you, you will want to knock him / her out right away. That’s wrong.
This is no time to make any decision. Who says he / she wants to leave you? Often times the mistress / lover is not worth that at all. Sending someone out of your house now doesn’t take away the pain, disenchantment, and fear of losing everything.
However, you can demand that they sleep in the guest bedroom until further notice.
2.Avoid the oil slick
After adultery you have a ‘stranger’ at home. Your cheating wife has humiliated you and that sticks to everything. Your cheating wife is suddenly no longer good, in any way. Trips you took, photo albums full of sweet memories, gifts you once received: true-the-less. Or so it seems. Do not allow his / her adultery to smear your whole relationship, your whole life together, like an oil slick. Cherish everything you have shared, because that can serve to revitalize the relationship.
3.Accept the ‘before & after’
You can forgive, not forget adultery. The pain disappears, the memory remains. Even years after the event, the ‘fault line’ is palpable, like a faded scar left from a painful burn. There will always be a ‘before’ and ‘after’, but it doesn’t have to be negative.
4. Forgiving a cheating wife; Don’t ask for details
If your cheating wife had sex with another, it is temporarily destructive to your sex life. Having sex again rarely succeeds without tears, because you can only think: did she / he do the same to him / her? Was he / she more beautiful than me? Better in bed? What you want to avoid are ‘visuals’: images of your love in the arms of someone else. The dimmer that image, the better. The more you know about their sexual adventures, the more difficult it is to get them out of your mind.
Asking for details about cup or other sizes, about positions and daring places where they did it, is not a good idea.
5.Take a moment to talk
Talking about your feelings, fear and anger is okay but don’t let it become a daily habit. Your adulterous partner must be patient and obliged to listen to you, but don’t overdo it.
Try to have a talking moment once a week. If you over talk it you’ll risk ‘contaminating’ every day-to-day conversation. Also, do not drag his / her affair into it with every argument or altercation. If you want to move forward together, you have to look forward – not backward.
6. Find the right therapist
Another great way to forgive your cheating wife is to engage someone who can view your relationship (problem) from a distance.
A therapist can point out flaws to both ‘perpetrator’ and ‘victim’, and he can provide tricks for going for it together as a couple. A therapist shows you the good qualities of your partner, because you don’t see them yourself right now.
7.Take the STI test
Passionate, sneaky sex dares to be unsafe, and you’ve been exposed to that danger too. It is important that you undergo a full STI test.
Without such a test, it is impossible to enjoy sex again. In that respect, don’t panic: one’s own sex life often gets a ‘boost’ after adultery. Because the cheated wants to prove himself / herself, and wants to redefine his / her territory.
Their own sex life often gets a ‘boost’ after adultery.
8.Don’t make it a doormat
Your partner cheated on you and he / she will wear the sackcloth – that speaks volume.
Someone who gambles your (family) life like that, should be on the blisters. But if you keep ‘punishing’ your cheating wife for too long, you will get nowhere. You can use him / her as a doormat, but it will not improve your relationship. Do you want to spend your life with someone you only look down on? No!
If you keep ‘punishing’ your partner for too long, you will get nowhere.
9. Let him/her say goodbye
Allow your cheating wife to ‘close’ the period. Certainly in the case of a longer affair, whether you want it or not, a ‘bond’ has developed between your partner and the other. Saying goodbye is important. Otherwise there is a good chance that it will drag on.
10. Bury ‘the other’
Of course you want to do the devil to the ‘lover / mistress’ and wish him / her an incurable skin condition, but don’t put any energy into it.
Use that energy to better your own relationship. Bury the culprit far away in your mind, he / she is in the right place. Ultimately, it is you – not ‘the other’ – who moves on with your partner.
11. Ignore advice from friends
Shared sorrow is half sorrow, and you must share this kind of drama with a good friend. However, you should limit the number of confidants. Because not everyone wants the best for you. You may run into incomprehension or incorrect comments such as: ‘I had always seen it in him / her’. Ignore such advice and follow your (broken) heart. Anyway, you want to forgive your cheating wife and that won’t be possible if you listen to such advice.
12.Don’t take revenge
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth? Not so in this case.
Your ego got a dent and insecurity is all right, but letting someone else boost you is no use now. It will confuse you even more than you already were. Take more time for yourself, go out more often with a friend and stay away from comforting arms that expect more than a hug.
13. Don’t choose the house
After adultery, you find yourself at a crossroad: divorce or stay. If you’re going for the second, choose each other. Not for the children, not for the newly renovated house or the joint current account, but for each other. Do not expect miracles too soon, but trust on your basis: love. Chances are that you will fall in love again. Because you almost lost each other.
Do you decide to stay together? Then do it for each other, not for the house or the children.
How to react after the betrayal: forgive your cheating wife/ husband or leave?
When you discover the betrayal of your loved one, everything seems to collapse- memories, feelings, projects. It is like facing a bereavement, that is the poignant pain of loss. And it is difficult to forgive precisely because it is not accepted that the partner has succumbed to someone else.
But why does this happen? Why do we fall into this temptation?
Those who suffer betrayal always have two choices in front of them: either to forgive or to leave. The hardest part is, in fact, choosing between the two paths.
But what happens after a betrayal ?
You experience a trauma, a real shock, caused by the loss of trust towards the other. It is as if before your eyes a stranger you believed to know, but who in reality she turned out to be quite another person.
It is difficult, when you live this situation, to make a decision, to condition it, generally, at least at first, are always the opinions of friends and / or family. Of course, comfort can be sought in them, but we must never forget that the attitude of those who externally judge a betrayal is always the same: to blame and condemn.
Those who suffer it, on the other hand, are personally involved, it is not always easy to separate from the person who is close to you, even if this has betrayed. So, in the whirlwind of emotions that crowd the mind and heart, one wonders only: is it right to forgive a betrayal?
How to overcome a betrayal ?
The first thing to do is to experience the emotions and throw them out, those who are victims, in fact, need to vent their moods without swallowing them, it is necessary that all the malaise is shown and that within the couple it must be sought more than the symptom (betrayal) the reason that triggered it.
Lack of sex? Sedentary life? Boredom? Even the presence of children for some couples can be a cause of “crisis”, especially during the first three years of the child’s life, as in this phase as parents they are completely absorbed by the needs of their children.
The secret, therefore, is to be able to be honest with the partner at any cost, bringing out all those internal dynamics of the couple, which one did not want to face up to that moment.
So yes, after a betrayal you can start over, as long as both sides want to really build something new and authentic , not forgetting the past, but giving it the right reasons, those that must lead the couple to be reborn.
Obviously it is essential that both partners want it and it will certainly not be an easy path, but neither is it impossible. Betrayal does not necessarily have to be the end.
Thanks for reading to the end. And I really hope you’ve learnt all you need to know about forgiving a cheating wife /husband.
Let me know your thoughts in the comment section!!
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