2. Toxic people are selfish
1.Give up dubious care.
Learn to distinguish sincere care from self-assertion. Some people help you in such a way that you are no longer happy to help. He can be too annoying, hypertrophied, with long-term consequences (I helped you, but you…) etc. Such help creates the feeling of worry and we have the impression that this man is not indifferent, that he worries about us, but that he does not know how to say this.
We begin to justify it, to feel sorry for it, to tolerate it, and finally to try a sense of guilt. By giving such “help”, toxic people root their sense of self-importance, and this is an excellent lever for handling.+
So learn to say briefly and clearly “no, thank you.” If he reacts negatively to your refusal (most likely a toxic person will react that way), let him deal with his outrage alone. All you do is defend your borders.
2. Set and defend your borders
Any healthy relationship must have clearly defined boundaries. All the more so should they exist with heavy people. Toxic people are very evasive – it is very difficult to get something concrete from them, because the more vague the answer, the easier it is to distort what is said and turn the claims in its favor.
You are the one who will have to draw the boundaries. State clearly and clearly the rules on which the relationship between you should be based. Yes, you can say directly “please, don’t come into my room without knocking on the door” or “I don’t work in my free or unpaid hours”, or “loud conversations are inadmissible for me”. You have every right not to be comfortable for everyone.
3.Take a step back.
Sometimes it is more correct and wise to take a step back and not rush into controversy or conflict, or this is often a trap. It is important to act in cold blood, so as not to lose your vigilance, to be able to observe the traps in time and not to be misled by being blinded by emotions. Don’t get caught up in a conflict. You will definitely lose. Remember, retreating does not always mean losing the war.
4. The challenge of staying true to yourself
My number one tip
s is to keep to yourself. Let me explain that.
Staying with yourself is
actually quite a challenge. However, as you get the hang of it, you will find yourself in control of your thoughts and feelings. If someone next to me is negative, then I will not lower myself to his level by, for example, complaining or annoying me, or worse: taking over and becoming negative myself.
If you don’t stay with yourself, you will find that someone else can steal your energy. Ask yourself:
And do I go along with the energy that the other radiates, or do I choose my own path?
So use negative people as a challenge! If a negative person does or says something, tell yourself (out loud or not, it doesn’t matter), “I see a challenge here.”
Ask yourself: Can I stay calm? Can I stay with my own energy? Can I stay in the here and now? Here I mean not want you to leave the situation or pretend it is not there, but the situation just use
it to stay in your own strength too.
Another challenge is not to complain about it, because then you actually let the other person ‘win’. Winning is of course in quotation marks, because it is not a competition. So don’t get drowned in someone else’s bath full of pessimism. Recognize it and use it for the better.
5. Don’t get too close to your heart
Toxic people will always try to accuse you of something, to prove to you in a way that you are wrong, trying to get something or simply justifying their behavior. If you have remorse or a sense of guilt, know that you got caught. Try not to lose your version of the situation. Don’t let them shatter your positions. Keep repeating that in addition to you, at least one person is involved in the situation. And that at least both are guilty (usually if it’s someone’s fault).
6. Don’t give in to emotions
Emotions, that’s what toxic people want. They parasitize emotions. They will provoke you and press you until scandal, tears, hysteria and mass punching. Only when you are exhausted will they leave you alone. You feel bad, and he triumphs over joy. This is why you often feel tired and in a bad mood after communicating with them. You could experience a wide range of emotions from fear, insult, hatred to anxiety and guilt. That’s why he doesn’t let her challenge you. Keep your cool. If you feel that you are starting to lose your temper, find any excuse to end the dialogue. You will resume it when you control your emotions.
7. Try to forgive
This is the most complicated point, but with miraculous effects. A lot happens in life. Sometimes you can understand a person’s motives – then it’s easier to forgive him. But when you do not understand why man has acted in a certain way, it is much harder to do so. In such situations, remember a simple truth – each of us has reason to behave in this way and not differently. This refers to both good and bad deeds.+
Therefore, toxic people have good reason to behave as such. These may not be obvious, but they certainly are. It wasn’t the happy episodes of the past that turned us into monsters. Obviously, the victim of the toxic man does not necessarily have to know everything behind his behavior. One thing is important – be aware that hatred and pretensions do you no good. Therefore, if you do not want to destroy your peace, good mood and harmony with your own hand, then learn to forgive people and move on without a burden on your soul. These are the best thing you can do for yourself and your family.